The New Year and The Old Me

So it's my first post of the New Year.  Every year feels like a fresh start to me, but this year feels a little different.  For the past four years (with a small break in between,)  our family has been in a constant state of evolution.  I haven't had a chance to catch my breath from three back to back pregnancies, three new babies,  and a couple of unexpected surgeries thrown in there.  Every time I have felt like we would finally start to get into a groove, some major life change occurred (namely, more children!)  It has been a wild, wild ride, and in the end I feel so very blessed to have all three of these little people around me.  At the same time, it has been a difficult four years of trying to manage with babies so close in age, unexpected health and pregnancy issues, autism stuff, and what felt like a complete loss of control of my life in general.  Every nook and cranny of my house went to shambles, I wasn't able to keep up with most projects that I started or wanted to start (this includes showers, because let's face it, with three little kids, this IS a project), and just basic communication with people outside of my immediate family was all but lost.  It has just been an enormous amount of work to keep up with, and somewhere along the way I lost a big part of myself. 

Last night, while browsing through last year's photos, I was shocked to see that it was only this time last year when Nicholas started spelling with his blocks.   And this time last year, Avery was not even talking yet.  And this time last year, Brody was a mere 1 week old who was waking every 2-3 hours to eat.   It seems so long ago to me already, because all three of them have developed so much in this past year, and SO quickly!  I have not been accustomed to how rapidly young children grow and change, because with Nicholas, everything has just taken eons longer than with my neuro-typical children.  However, THIS year, with the help of his teachers/therapists, and with the tremendous amount of work that he has done in his new-found ABA therapy, I actually can say, and truly feel for the first time that he has made enormous (and tangible) gains compared to where we were at this time in 2012.  He has begun to follow many simple directions, sign for a few key items, attempt to do stairs on his own, climb into the van and into his car seat, use a spoon to eat his own food, and just in the past two weeks, has even begun to potty train!!  Just writing all of that out amazes me, and I'm sure there are lots of other little things (oh yeah, like sleeping in a toddler bed) that I forgot to mention! He is truly gaining some long-sought-after (by me, and probably by him) independence that at times I can honestly say I wasn't sure would ever happen until much, much later. 

And little Avery....she is growing like a weed!  She has begun talking in sentences, pretend playing, helping me fetch things around the house, cleaning up her toys (ok, not very often or well, but she is trying!) and even she is taking an interest in potty training!  She is so sweet, loves to cuddle with me, play any kind of game I propose, and the best part is that she tells me, "I 'yuv' you mommy!"  all of the time.  Do you know how long I've waited to hear those words???? It melts my heart every time, and I will never, ever get tired of hearing it!  She made my YEAR with that little addition to her vocabulary!

Oh and then there's Brody....my crazy, sensitive, silly Brody.  He has been such a blessing to have, and every day that he smiles at me, I think of how lucky I am that he's here on this earth with us.  Despite the fact that his first year was a little tough as far as the sleeping goes, and for me, a little anxiety-filled because I have been so on edge about whether or not he will have fallen on the spectrum at some point, (because I can't help it....statistics are a scary thing....) I think we have finally turned a corner.  The little booger decided to make me sweat it a bit by not babbling for quite some time, but he's finally begun to babble up a storm at me daily.  He laughs, giggles, tries to imitate me, "brushes his hair" with the brush, and just in the past month, he has begun walking!  He's my little bruiser who loves to climb all over furniture, and dive head first off of it.  He's already had a giant bruise on his cheek, and a bloody nose along the way, so I can only guess what's in store for me as he grows older and more "boy-ish!"  (though Avery actually lost a front tooth this year due to a little slip and fall accident in the kitchen, so I'm sure our future of injuries has less to do with being a boy than I would like to think) :-)

All of this to say that I have had a blast this past year watching all three of my kids grow in their own ways, and into their own stages.  Along the way, I've been exasperated from time to time, exhausted many times, but totally in love all of the time.  

This year, I look forward to (hopefully) "settling in" a little more as a family, and trying to find at least a little part of the old ME again.  I focus all of my time and energy on the kids, of which I'd have no other way at their ages obviously, but I think this year will be a little easier to spend even just a teeny, tiny fraction more time focusing on me.   Brody is finally sleeping at night (I say that with a slight trace of hesitancy in my voice, as this is VERY new, and I'm not entirely convinced...)  Avery is  at that super-fun age, and also quite a bit more independent than I knew a two year old could be, and Nicholas is going to do some BIG things this year....I know it!  I'm starting this year in a positive frame of mind, and my goal (because I don't make resolutions) is to focus on getting life back in order.  I've already started this process, when it comes to the house, cleaning, organizing, etc. (because holy cow can you accumulate a lot of crap when you have three kids in four years!) But I also want to regain some order when it comes to me!  I need to pay more attention to myself this year, find/make time to shower, paint my nails, read a book, and exercise regularly. Doing my hair is pushing it, but I could always slap on a little make-up at least!  I need to make my own doctors appointments that I always put off because my kids' appointments always come first.  I need to talk to my friends from time to time, even if this means hiding in a closet somewhere so I can hear what they are trying to say!  I need to clear out the clutter in my life, so that I can breathe again. This will be my journey and focus this year, and I hope yours is the 2013 that you hope it will be!  Happy New Year everyone! 

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