A Tribute to Brian

It has been a while.  Between back surgery and technical issues, I have not been able to write.  In this time, I have been thinking of a million topics to share, and where I would start.  However, today, with a very heavy heart, I am writing for someone else in lieu of any of these other things that have crossed my mind in this time away.

Children, no matter what the circumstances, are a blessing and an enrichment to our lives.  Young or old, as a parent, your children have changed, shaped, and enhanced your life.  They add a purpose, and a direction.  Once you have a child, nothing else matters.  You will do anything it takes to love them, care for them, and maximize their potential in life.  At times, I have been praised for all that I do for my son Nicholas, because he is in need of so much more than my other children. While I truly appreciate the sentiment, the fact of the matter is that most parents of sound mind would do the exact same things for their children.  It is just what you do.

While I have cried for my son many times, and mourned the loss of the idea of what I once thought his life would be, I have come to accept that this picture of his life may or may not look like what I had originally hoped for him.   We can never control the twists and turns of life, and having him has taught me to let go just a little bit.

However, today I am deeply saddened.  A child has been lost too early, and I hurt for his family. I cannot imagine the intense sadness and loss that they are feeling.  What some don't realize, with special needs children in particular, is that despite their "deficits" (whatever they may be), and the difficulties faced by both the family and the child,  these children also have personalities, traits, quirks, and their own ways of being silly, funny, loving, sweet, and happy. Despite the struggles and heartbreak that come with any life-long diagnosis of a child, that child still adds a dynamic to a family that is ultimately positive, and he still brings joy to the lives of his family in so many ways.

Often, when I write, I focus on the struggles of raising a special needs child.  But today, I would like to instead, honor Brian.  I didn't know him, and I don't know his family either. But Brian, by his own nature, has created a silent bond between my family and his. This is a gift that he gave us.  I have seen pictures of him, and have followed his story for only the past several months, but his battle has been life-long.   Though I've never met him or his family in person, I can tell you that from what I've read about him,  he was a fighter, and so are his parents. He had so many obstacles in his way, and it is apparent that he worked hard, with the help of his family,  to push past them.   I have to believe that in this process,  he taught his parents that they are stronger than they ever imagined they could be.  This was a gift that Brian gave to his parents.    Brian also has a brother.  And thanks to Brian, his brother will grow up to be kind and compassionate to other children and families who he encounters  who may be struggling with difficulties like his brother's.  This too is a gift that Brian gave this world.

In his time here on earth, it is clear that he has touched the lives of not only his family and friends, but  of perfect strangers as well.  I did not have the honor to know him personally, but feel blessed to have had the opportunity to know of him, and to learn from his journey.  My heart aches for the loss that his family, friends, caregivers, and others who knew him are feeling.  He must have just had that effect on people, because not even knowing him, I feel a loss as well.

Brian, thank you for enriching our lives.  May you be at peace, and be free of the pain and struggles that you have experienced here on earth.  You were once an angel to your family and friends here on earth, and you will remain an angel to them now from a different place.  As someone whose life you have touched without having met me, I feel honored.  I wish for you in heaven, freedom from your earthly ailments, and all of the things that you weren't able to enjoy in this world.  You will not be forgotten. Your memory will forever live on through your friends, family, and the many lives of those whom you have touched.

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