Fifteen Things from My Head to Yours

I will refer to this as a mini-post, because generally I have a specific topic to discuss. However, in the interest of attempting to overcome a short bout of writer's block, I decided to just do a little list of random things about me (which I started several days ago,) and things that I think about from time to time.  Maybe not a Pulitzer Prize winner, this one, but a little glimpse into my head nonetheless.  Thanks for reading, even when I don't have something deeply profound to say! :-) And here you go....from my head to yours.....

1)  Just because I don't mention my other kiddos often in my blogs does not mean that I don't love and enjoy talking about them just as much as Nicholas. I just save that for other forums because my blog is a tool meant to raise awareness about raising a child with autism, and not just a family diary.

2) I am paranoid that my youngest son will be diagnosed with Autism. Though he is developing typically thus far, that "1-88" scares me, and so does the fact that it is more frequent in boys. I scrutinize every move he makes (or doesn't make...like the fact that he is not yet babbling at 9 1/2 months old--doc says not to worry....)  I attribute this behavior to what I like to think of as  "post-traumatic-Autism-Diagnosis-Syndrome"  What are ya gonna do?

3) Watching my 2 year old daughter start to talk, dance, play and be so animated gives me joy in a way that I cannot describe. I didn't know how fun watching a child develop their own little personalities could be so unbelievably awesome and exciting!

4) Watching my daughter start to talk, dance, play and be so animated twists the dagger that is permanently wedged in my heart, because it reminds me that my son cannot express himself in this same way, and he will always have to work harder than his siblings at this.

5) I talk to Nicholas as though he were  a typical four year old boy. It pains me every single time I ask him how his day at school was, or what he likes about his favorite music videos that he can't answer me. But I know he's in there, and I know he WANTS to tell me, damnit!!  And so I will ask until he does....

6) I am not always positive. Sometimes I just want to pull a blanket over my head and cry in a corner somewhere. And sometimes I do.

7) Kids' birthday parties are my nemesis.   If I'm quiet at these events, it's because I am torn with joy that my daughter can/will participate in the activities at hand, and sadness that my son is probably hanging out just "doing his thing" somewhere in the vicinity.

8) I feel grateful that I was blessed with my youngest son (who was a HUGE surprise!!) so that my daughter will have a sibling to play and interact with until we can unlock Nicholas from his isolated world.   I hate to admit this, but it is what it is.

9) I do not feel sorry for myself.  You shouldn't either.

10) I am addicted to reality Housewives of any city.  My ideal night is putting the kids to bed, cracking a bottle of wine, and losing myself in the trivial (usually) problems of the uber rich. (I qualify this with "usually, because I just learned that one of the Housewives of NJ's son was recently diagnosed with Autism....not so trivial after all.)

11)  I feel that I have become somewhat of a walking spokeswoman for Autism awareness, but I can't help myself.  Everyone deals differently, and my way is to absorb and regurgitate.  Sorry if I annoy you, but you don't have to listen. :-)

12) Most days, I enjoy my life.  I love my kids, my husband and my little family dynamic.  Yes, it's more complicated than many people's, but it's mine and I am embracing it!

13)  I've always dreamed of writing a book one day.  Now I think I might just have a topic....or two, or three....

14) I love making my kids laugh. I will do anything it takes, regardless of how ridiculous or silly I look to hear the sweet sounds of their little giggles! Nothing in the world makes me happier!

15) I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.  I now see myself down the road helping other families in some capacity who are touched by Autism.  My passion for this has emerged thanks to my little man, and I think he's once again given me a new and improved perspective on life. Funny how things work out....

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