I actually had anticipated making this announcement via my blog two weeks ago when we were informed the first time, but something in my gut told me to wait until the IEP meeting had taken place. Even after we visited the classroom, met the teacher, and learned all I needed to know about the setting to know that it was perfect for him (or at least better for him) I was still hesitant to tell anyone.
Sure enough, the IEP meeting was scheduled for last Thursday. I had my Sunday-best laid out, hubby was planning to come home early from work to watch the babies, and I even washed my hair in anticipation of being in public!! But then, a mere 12 hours before the meeting, I received a call that sent me over my edge-of-advocacy. Apparently, the receiving district, due to a "personnel change," was now questioning the referral of my son to their program, and whether or not he was a good fit for their classroom. Why? Because of the fact that he had been meeting his goals on the current IEP (among other reasons, of which, I am frankly too tired to detail here.) REALLY???? Didn't we already go through this once already??? (see IEPhew I, II and III...I'm too tired to even insert the links!) So, to keep this post to a minimum and to keep my readers awake, (because, believe me, I'd love to re-hash all of the gory details of how this all went down so that you could sigh and gasp in horror along with my story) I will suffice to say that it has been a stressful week for me.
I spent hours this week "building my case" as a lawyer might do in a court hearing, while my children spent entirely too much time watching Tinkerbell, Yo-Gabba Gabba, playing Ipad games, eating from the floor, and wearing wet clothes and soggy diapers. I spent additional hours detailing my "case" in writing, because anyone who knows anything about the processes pertaining to special ed law knows that if it's not in writing, it didn't happen. (Hmmm, if we used this line of thinking in a court of law for criminal cases, imagine what kind of shape we'd be in as a country! Just sayin'.....)
Anyway, I had literally just said to my hubby the morning of said call how excited I was to get Mr. Nicholas into this program so that his time is spent wisely throughout the day, and so that perhaps I can indulge my younger two with mommy-type-attention in the way that it might go down in a "typical" household. You know, play dates, shopping adventures, library readings, mall play lands, parks......instead of having my day chopped into little segments of getting their brother to and from school on time, and then to and from therapy on time. Sounds a little selfish maybe, but it's kind of a fantasy of mine if I'm being honest. However, not only could I spend this quality time with my youngest babies during these precious years of their lives, but I can feel good about it at the same time because I know that Nicholas is getting the interaction and interventions that he needs and deserves throughout the course of the day. And frankly, he enjoys them! He loves the interaction in his own little smirky, smiley way! It's true!
It is pretty evident to me that he loves mommy (blushing... yes, I am) but I'm not exactly the most exciting or enlightening person for him to spend his afternoons with. Having him home with me all afternoon is a blessing in some ways, but it is so incredibly difficult to give him adequate attention when the other two munchkins are so young, and still so needy. ("Mommy, I need a cracker! Mommy, I need Milk! Mommy, Brody is in the toilette...wahhhh whaaaa wahhhh!!!)
Nicholas' needs always seem to fall behind theirs, mainly because I have to guess what his are, or because I can't implement them (like therapy interventions) because of the constant needing/crying/diaper-changing activity required by my other two. It's just where we are in life. I'm not complaining or looking for sympathy. It's just simply what it is. Regardless, there is this constant cloud of mommy-guilt floating over my head each day waiting to open up over my newly washed hair for that very reason. I was so relieved and elated that this would no longer be the case for us!!! And then the phone rang.....
Days, meetings, phone calls, and angry emails later (by me, of course....I can only maintain my patience for so long) the "jury" has finally returned to the courtroom and has come to the conclusion, that YES, Nicholas is a good fit for their program....AGAIN!! Hallelujah!
When I received the call this morning informing me of this news, I did not do a jig all throughout my house, or start exclaiming "praises to the Lord" or words of excitement as I thought I might when I lay awake each night this week anticipating the decision. I think, perhaps, I was a little shell-shocked and scared to let myself believe that it was true. (Once again, if I'm being honest, I still am until our IEP meeting is on the calendar and completed....but I'll try and keep the faith this time.... ) Instead, I hung up the phone, finished loading the few dirty dishes that were left in the sink, and then turned to look at my clean counter I had just wiped. And all of the sudden it hit me like a Mack truck into a brick wall.....and the tears began streaming down my cheeks. So many emotions....joy, fear, sadness, excitement, hesitation, gratefulness, and satisfaction, and others I can't explain...hit me all at the same time.
Nicholas has been with this group of caring, loving, and supportive adults for (many of them) almost 3 years now. They have taught him, fought for him, worked with him, cared for him, celebrated him, and I would even go so far as to say loved him, for all of this time. For me, they have become my anchors in many ways. There are very few people who know my son as well as my immediate family members do, but these women are the only other people on this Earth who do. And while having to leave them has been a reality in the back of my mind since the beginning of this process, it finally had it's moment to shine today.
These women, aware or not, are so special to him and to me. I consider us lucky to have had our family, and in particular, my Nicholas, be given the opportunity to know them, learn from them, and most importantly, trust them. They all do their jobs, but they do so much more, and for so little recognition. Not only for my Nicholas, but for others. When I was pregnant and on bed-rest with my youngest, they all banded together and decided to make meals for my family so that we didn't have to worry about cooking. Despite all they have on their plates already with having child after child to attend to on their case-loads, and family after family to try and support who may be even more in need than mine, and so few hours in which to do so, they STILL thought of us at that moment. This was so touching and heart-warming to me, and I only hoped that I might be able to return the favor in some way some day. I still hope that I can....
I am lucky to have known them, and hope to continue relationships with them as our school years progress. I may never be able to put into words what their involvement in our lives has meant for my family, but we are certainly all better for having known them all, especially Nicholas. I know he will miss them, even though he won't be able to tell me or them....not yet anyway. But when he can, you can bet I'll make sure they hear about it!!!
As for moving forward, I am excited, and hopeful. I am cautiously optimistic, and while I have mixed emotions about the situation because of the relationships that we have grown along the way, I have no doubt in my mind that this will be a more appropriate classroom setting for him. He will be provided opportunities that just aren't possible in his current environment, and I can only hope and pray that he will begin to blossom in his own way.
I am not expecting perfection, as I'm sure this new environment will also come with it's own set of challenges, and possibly even disappointments. However, I will sleep better each and every night knowing that I have done everything in my power to ensure that he gets what he needs and deserves, and that he will benefit from all of the time and effort that not only myself, but his educators have put into this decision as well.
To those who have been on Nicholas' team along the way (and you know who you are) I am eternally grateful. You will always hold a a piece of our hearts, and have placed a piece of our puzzle. Much love to you all!!
